The Most Annoying Debate in Mothering History; Working Mum vs Stay At Home Mum

It has becoming increasingly obvious to me that “working mother” is an oxymoron.

I have recently started working a couple days of week. And yes. That is work.

But when I’m “stay-at-home-momming”, there’s definitely work involved there. For example, my boss is irrational, demanding, and a bit of a head case. She is also 9 months old.

My parents are away. And with them, Oma and Opa daycare is closed.

I had the brilliant idea that taking the baby into the office and working from home would be:
A) Easy
B) Possible.

How I came up with my plan, with confidence that it would work is anyone’s guess when I literally have to carry Raffaela into the toilet with me some days just so I can go to the bathroom.

So yes. I thought, “She doesn’t let me poo, eat or sleep in peace. But taking her into an office, she will let me write emails and make phone calls in peace…”

No. My day at the office with Raffaela included feeding Raffaela, playing with her, her playing on her own for about 15 minutes, a long lunch, a walk around the block to get her to sleep, a trip to Starbucks while she was asleep which only gave me about 15 minutes of sleep time at the actual office in which to send a couple emails, some more playing time and then home. Very productive.

It’s a balance I am trying to work on. I am lucky enough to have flexibility in where and how I do work.

I have read so many articles about how “complicated” and “multi-faceted” the working vs. stay at home mother debate is. But let’s be honest. It isn’t complicated at all.

It’s complicated because we are all trying to justify our personal decisions as the one and only acceptable choice.

There are mothers that work full time. Some part time. And there are stay at home mothers. Some dads are stay at home. Some kids go to daycare. Some don’t.

There doesn’t need to be a comparison. No debate needed.

Does your decision work for your family and you?
If not, how do you want to change it?


  1. I never understood the debate either. Personally, I’d rather stay at home than work but if someone isn’t that financially sound, it doesn’t work out well. I went from being the bread winner who at one point worked two full time jobs to working MAYBE 19 hours a week. Mentally, it was an easy choice for me. I use to love working but now I just want to stay home and raise my kids. Financially? I’m still trying to cope with not being the “reliable paycheck”. It’s not that my husband doesn’t make enough, but letting that responsibility transfer fully to another person is a hard process.

    I literally JUST started my own blog as a hobby and to (hopefully) make a little extra cash one day. I happened to come across your post and enjoyed it!


    • Thanks! Switching gears and fitting into the new role of “mom” is so exciting but I also have moments when it feels like finding a new identity is a little scary and overwhelming… like relying on hubby 100% for the paycheck. But I think we are all doing so well and are amazing moms! Thanks for reading the blog- I’ll have to see how yours shapes up! X


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