Reflections at 4.15am 

Tonight has been one of those nights as a parent; a quiet moment of reflection.  

I haven’t slept well. No idea why. Friday night was spent sipping a gin and tonic with my husband and I just can’t sleep. 

Likewise, Raffaela seems to have picked up on my awake energy. It’s 4am, I’m rocking her back and forth. She’s making those sleepy moaning noises and grunts she does to fall asleep and yet isn’t drifting off. 

But perhaps because it’s a Saturday morning (moms love weekends too) or just an acceptance that sleep is not coming, it’s so peaceful.

We are cuddling as I’m rocking her. I’m kissing her forehead as her hand lightly strokes my shoulder. And I tell myself to savour these moments. 

Because one day we’ll both be older, she’ll be bigger and she won’t need me to fall asleep anymore. I won’t be the centre of her universe anymore although she’ll always kind of be mine. 

Whenever I have these moments, I tell myself I won’t forget this very second and my thoughts. But inevitably life gets busy and the moment passes. 

So I’m going to write these moments down from now on. 

11 March 2017. 4.15am. It’s warm. Raffaela sleeping in my arms. I’m not tired at all. I’m so content. 


  1. To my beautiful daughter – I could be not more proud of you who you became. Behind my wildest dreams – you are the best/loving/enjoying/ mom. I love you both so very much and I am one proud Oma


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