As mothers, we are pretty amazing ladies. Among all our amazing traits (of which there are too many to list here!) We are excellent communicators. We communicate ALL THE TIME. About conceiving. Birthing. Breastfeeding.
But in between these there is also so much we don’t talk about. The heartbreak of trying to conceive. Post birthing and the scary “how to take a shit” poster that stares at us in the hospital bathroom. And we worry. Oh the worry. Is baby sleeping enough? Too much? Should they be rolling yet? Solid foods. Oh god, I don’t want my baby to choke!
These are moments we keep to ourselves. We beat ourselves up over, grieve over, cry over, try to justify in our minds.
I get it. I am trying to do the best I can for my baby. And I don’t want to share what may be wrong. What if others are doing it differently and their way is the right way?
And maybe because we have always had to fight for things a little harder than our male counterparts (this is a feminism rabbit hole I am not about to go down today!), we are a little quicker to be defensive and to judge each other. We are expecting the judgement from others.
But we are all doing the best job we can. Happy mommy = happy baby. I tell myself “Chill mommy, chill baby” in my most nerve wrecking moments.
Let’s share. NOT compare.
It’s fucking hard. I am always going crazy with what I should be doing better and who I think is doing it better.
Support groups are so important. For example, I was completely opposed to mothers group. I wasn’t going to give it a chance. But I tried. And those ladies are such a support network in a time where at times I have felt more isolated than ever before.
I have also found solace in online sources – those 4am feedings are spent scrolling through websites and chat rooms as I search “rash on cheek 3 month old”. We’ve all been there!
Despite the fucked up days (where you go to bed saying tomorrow will be a do over!) and in spite of the amazing super Mom days, I cannot wait to share my stories.